Newtone's Gospel

Isaac Newtone (1642~), British polymath, mathematician, physicist, astronomer, alchemist, author, inventor, and theologian. Before his disappearance in 1727, he left behind Newtone's Gospel, instructing future humanity to follow its revelation, believe in Muscletianity, train their bodies, overcome His trials, and ultimately grow wings from their muscular flesh to reach Eden and meet Him.

You are born on a piece of draft paper, wielding bizarre weapons—from the S**t Mop to the Annihilation Cannon—harvesting experience and gold from attacking apple monsters. You trade with the shopkeeper in the pause menu, obtaining blessings that look like random doodles.

Choose between immediate combat power and the potential of infinite economics loop. Use bombs to breach obstacles, lure exploding enemies to destroy terrain and gain the start-up capital.

Before you know it, you've become a classical mechanics master wielding multiple weapons, defeated Newtone's archenemy Reibniz, and finally earned an audience with Isaac Newtone. And your playthrough is written into a brXiv preprint paper. Seems the developer really does have a grudge against academia.